Thursday, May 13, 2010

What I'm undoing with my life



In the last few weeks I cut 8" off my hair, left Oregon, left California, ripped apart a book about 50s housewifery to cut up and glue onto things, and unravelled some articles for class using what might be called deconstructionist theory. I wore a hole in the armpit of my most favorite grey wool cardigan I found in the street in San Francisco, I magically made a dark chocolate, roasted almond, and sea salt bar disappear, I dusted and vacuumed away the lint and string bits in my room, I sang Sara by Bob Dylan on the accordion and heard the sounds vanish after I made them, I dug up the most gigantic burdock weed in history, made a hole in the soil where it used to live, then watched as I washed a lot of dirt from under my nails and all over my hands down the drain to nowhere in particular.

Before I decided to apply for a Ph.D and then come here for school, I spent countless hours trying to imagine what I could make or do with myself. Meanwhile I made many things like crafts and yarn, did many things like sail around on boats, dreamed up plots about swimming and paying off my debts, and kept many things and brought many of them to Eugene. I admit I was often afraid of ruining things, taking them apart, losing them, giving them up, or changing them.

Until now I didn't ever really notice all the things I undo, or that just undo themselves. I'm compelled and a little unsettled by how quickly something that was a certain way can be undone into something different.

I think I've undone myself a little after all the doing, making, keeping and whatnot that I did before I came here. It feels like I steadily and curiously kept taking out little stitches bit by bit that held the pieces of the old me all together. As it turns out, it's easier to mend the worn out pieces, wash the dirty pieces, and add new pieces when they are taken apart.

For the record, while I'm most undone I especially appreciate health food, comfort food, and bob dylan.


Homemade green juice for breakfast, biscuits and vegetarian gravy for dinner:

Green juice: It's gross. It's totally gross. It's bitter, sharp, weird looking, and I love all those things about it. I have a champion juicer, and any kind of juicer will work for this. Don't just blend 'em up, that will be inedible. The point is to get all the vitamins and filter out all the fiber so it's more digestible.

It's really best if you can pick these things the day you're juicing them, but not everyone lives in a co-op in the pacific northwest:

Mint leaves (any kind will do)
Kale
Lettuce
Spinach
Cucumber if you have it
Celery
Wheatgrass, arugula, spring mix, or any other green veg

Chop up all this stuff and put it through your juicer. Don't resort to chard unless you have to. Be prepared for the first sip to be really off putting. Have water ready to chase your juice. You'll feel really good once you drink it.

Vegetarian Gravy
Mushrooms
Onions
tofu
Nuts (Walnuts, cashews, hazelnuts, or almonds)
Garlic
Olive oil
Fresh or dry rosemary, sage, thyme, oregano
nutritional yeast
black pepper
salt
plain soy or rice milk
brown rice flour

Chop the tofu into 3/4" cubes, fry 'em up in the bottom of a big pot until they're golden on the outsides. Add onions, nuts, mushrooms, garlic, and spices in with them and the oil. Saute all these things together until the onions are clear. Add in the soy milk or rice milk. It's really up to you how much to add depending on how chunky you like your gravy. Add a bunch of nutritional yeast and salt. Let it cook for awhile before you hasten to thicken it up. Gravy is exciting, but it needs to coalesce a little while before you eat it. Add in the flour bit by bit and stir it vigorously. It will thicken a bit more once it cools.

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